Listen up. I’ve been hearing some of you youngsters and even some of my contemporaries griping about how the dough got low and you are stuck cooped up in your home on a Saturday night because you are broke. Guess what? Your pal here is here with some soul, soup and salvation. It is time to enjoy some jubilation.

Save up your cash for a tank of gas because we are going dumpster diving.

It has been ages since I did this activity that is technically illegal, but in that “this is a warning” kind of illegal, not that “don’t pass go, go directly to jail” kind of illegal, but I still haven’t forgotten the joy of this kind of ‘treasure hunt”. Dumpster diving and trash picking can be loads of fun. You get to climb into stuff and get lots of free junk which you can keep or sell on EBay or your own yard sale for cash.

First of all you need to wear some old clothes you care nothing about. You need gloves and a flashlight too. Next, make sure EVERYONE in the store has left. Check to see if there is any security and if the trash is part of their rounds.

Ok, now you are ready to take the plunge. Just jump on in and start picking out the goodies. You never know what you might find; tools, video games, books, lamps, paintings, magazines, beauty products, VCR’s and numerous other items.

There is a chance that despite all your precautions, you might get caught and they might even threaten to call the cops. The thing is, when the fuzz shows up, they will probably laugh at you and tell you to beat it, but it is still annoying and highly embarrassing.

Another thing, it is best to do you dumpster diving in the suburbs and not in the city, otherwise there is a strong chance you could be jumping into the home of someone.

There you have it. Some cheap thrills on a Saturday night filled with free stuff. There are more advanced lessons when it comes to trash picking. Take my friend Tom D. Tom D. will always be the king of trash picking. He knew what the trash pick up days were in posh neighborhoods. He would read the divorce columns and obituaries and find the addresses of the folks and hit them early on trash day. It never failed that he would have a storage space filled with treasures.

So quit your moaning about how empty your piggy bank is...we got some trash pickin’ to do. Hey look, I found a new couch.