Ok, kiddies, you want build a collection of that fine obsolete format called the vinyl LP.

Well guess what pumpkins?

They aren't making many new ones and if you desire to fill up an entire room with crates and bookcases of records, you are going to have to troll around your neighborhood during garage sale season and hit that old Goodwill, both of which are great indulgences, and when I get the time, I’ll drag you along. The point is doing that your pickin’s are gonna be slim, so sooner or later you will have to hit the old used record store.

Some fellow looking like "The Comic Book Guy" from The Simpsons pretty much runs this unglamorous little storefront that is the treasure trove of vinyl. You never know what you’ll find at a used record shop. People sell their possessions, collectors can’t take it with them when they shuffle off this planet, and pickers bring in crates from the all over. Every visit to your record guy is an adventure. This is where you will hopefully score your precious booty.

Start flipping through the stacks…sure that copy of Jim Dickinson’s, "Dixie Fried" and The Pop Group’s "We Are All Prostitutes" looks inviting, but the double-digit price tag put it out of budget. Why blow all your cash on one album. Leave that to the "record collecting scum" types. Those are the folks who ONLY own a first edition pressing of "Odgen Nut Gone Flake" and NEVER listen to for fear it will diminish in value.

Take your dog-eared copy of Goldmine Record Collectors Price Guide and shove it up your butt. Records are made to be played, not put on a shelf like some goddamn museum piece.

I play my records, heck; I even wear them out on occasion. Those "annoying" little pops and scratches are my marks of personalization. Nobody’s copy of the second Velvet Underground record sounds like mine. Sometimes I can’t even imagine listening to any other version of "Sister Ray" without my "marks of love”.

Foghat, Loverboy, yet another copy of "Enlightened Rogues" by The Allman Brothers! Don’t fret; a good stocked used store will have something hidden in the stacks. Just quit complaining and tap your foot to Slade’s "Sladest" being cranked at ear piercing volume by the owner.

Any record that features the words LSD, Hot-Rod, Exotica, Jungle, Beatnik, The Hustle, Strip for your Man, or looks blatantly exploitation in nature is your duty to pick up. For the price of a yuppie food stamp. You can easily walk away with 20 slabs of vinyl all for a buck each in this category.

Happy record hunting. Buying used is your duty as a music lover, and recycling is ecologically sound. Do you know how many bowling balls gave their lives for your records?